By: Terri Gordon

Disclaimer: If I owned CSI: or anything associated with it, I really wouldn’t feel the need to be writing this, would I? Don’t sue me; I just need to satisfy a GSR craving. (I don’t own the rights to the song lyrics either…)

Summary: A song on the radio prompts Sara to take a deeper look at her “relationship” with Grissom… but when he hears it, what will he do?

----- ----- -----

Chapter 1: The Song

----- ----- -----

Driving home from work on the brink of dawn after a particularly straining case, Sara sighed as she sat in Las Vegas traffic watching the desert sun rise over the sands. God, she hated that man. More than that, she hated what he did to her. It vexed her that he always found a way to make her forgive him, even after everything that had happened over the years. She wondered if he even knew the effect he had on her.

Shaking herself loose from the thoughts that plagued her, she turned on the radio in hopes of drowning her sorrow in some upbeat and slightly obnoxious song. She quickly surfed the radio waves, only to find that all of her regular stations were clogged with commercials. Frustrated, she hit the scan button. After a few moments, she stopped it at a station that emitted an interesting beat. Intrigued, Sara turned up the volume and was not disappointed. She concentrated on the words while she tapped out a rhythm on her steering wheel.

I… can’t get out of bed today
Or get you off my mind
I just can’t seem to find a way
To leave the love behind
I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean

You’ve kept me hanging from a string
While you make me cry
I’ve tried to give you everything
But you just give me lies
I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean

“Amen, sister,” Sara whispered. She couldn’t help but think of the torture she’d endured over he years from a certain Gil Grissom. But the beat continued, and she let it wash over her, flooding her mind with images of the past.

Every now and then when I’m all alone
I’d be wishing that you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool
There’s nothing I can do
I’m such a fool for you

I can’t take it
What am I waiting for?
I’m still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
It’s true, I’m stuck on you

Before she knew it, she had come up on her turn. The music faded into the background as she made her way home, but even when she turned the car off and headed up to her second story apartment, the images remained. Gil Grissom had imprinted himself into her mind, and after all the abuse and the pain over the years, she still couldn’t get rid of him.

Exhausted after a hard shift of sifting through fibs and flies, she dumped her belongings on the coffee table near the couch and went to bed. Maybe a few hours sleep would clear her mind.

----- ----- -----

The next day, lab work proved to be taxing. The killer had her chasing all kinds of lies, and now after everything had been gone over twice, all she could do was wait for the lab results. So she settled herself in the break room and, pulling a paper bag from the little refrigerator, sat at the table to eat her lunch… or what could be considered a lunch at 3 am.

A few moments later, Greg walked in for a cup of his special brew. “Hey Sara,” he called. “Was that you humming?”

She looked up. It was true; she had been humming, but not intentionally. Though she had only heard it once, she’d been caught humming the catchy little tune from the radio.

“I guess… I hadn’t even realized it,” she replied with a shrug. “Got my results yet?”

“Not yet. The machine’s working on it… I didn’t know you listened to Stacie,” he said casually, joining her at the table.

His remark was met with a questioning look. “Who?”

“Stacie Orrico,” he clarified. “The song’s called ‘Stuck’. They play it all the time on Christian radio.”

“Oh. Well, I heard it yesterday on the radio while flipping stations. Guess it got stuck in my head… I didn’t know you listened to Christian stuff.”

He smiled. “I listen to anything with a good beat, and Stacie’s definitely got a good beat.”

“I’m gonna give you a good beat if you don’t give me some results soon,” she teased.

“All right, all right…” he said, throwing his free hand up in surrender. “I’m gone.”

Sara shook her head lightly at her friend, and went back to eating her lunch. Finishing her sandwich, she started on a bag of carrot sticks, left with nothing but the solitude and a catchy beat bouncing around in her head.

----- ----- -----

Chapter 2: Eavesdropping

----- ----- -----

Grissom had been completely engrossed in his mission as he walked down the lab corridors, until he’d heard Sara’s voice. Something in her tones told him that she had something on her mind other than what she was talking about with Greg. He couldn’t blame her for being distracted… The whole team had been distracted lately. Even with countless cases making their way in and out of the lab, they all had some aspect of their sliver of a personal life that just seemed to be going wrong, and Sara was never an exception to that rule.

A moment later, Greg left the lab without seeing him, and headed back to his lab. Grissom, however, stayed where he was. Something kept him rooted to the spot, and after a few minutes of watching her through the glass walls of the lab, he found out what he’d been waiting for.

Lost in thought, Sara had once again started to unconsciously hum while she ate. Grissom loved it when she sang… Though she didn’t believe it, she had a beautiful voice. He smiled a bit as he listened to the jazzy tune.

Suddenly, she shook her head and went to the radio in the corner of the break room and started flipping stations to find something to expel the song from her memory. But she couldn’t get away from it. She stopped flipping channels when she heard the unmistakable beat and decided to let it play. It was already to the chorus and about to start the second verse.

Grissom was happy when he heard her begin to sing with the radio… until he heard the words.

Now loves a broken record that’s been
Skipping in my head
I keep singing yesterday
Why we have to play these games we play
I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean

Every now and then when I’m all alone
I’d be wishing that you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool

As the music faded out and Sara moved to turn off the radio, Grissom left his place by the break room door and headed back to his office, feeling like he’d been pierced in the heart. He’d seen the truth and heard the feeling in her voice as she sang along, and he knew exactly whom those words were pointed at. Had he really broken her?

----- ----- -----

Chapter 3: Someday Is Tonight

----- ----- -----

As the song ended, Sara turned the radio off and cleared the remnants of her lunch from the table, ready to start working on her case in earnest. She walked out of the break room and down the corridor toward the DNA lab.

“Okay, Greg,” she said. “Whatcha got for me?”

Not looking up from his work, he pointed to the machine, where the results were waiting for her. As she read, he awaited her outburst. He wasn’t disappointed.

“Greg, what is this? I thought you said you had something!”

“I’m sorry, Sara. The dry cleaning baked in the blood and degraded it beyond recognition… I couldn’t get anything. But I did get something from the pant leg.” He handed her another sheet.

Her eyes squinted in confusion. “The daughter? I don’t get it…”

Greg held up his hands and shrugged. “Hey, don’t look at me. I just run the test, I don’t control the results.”

Sara sighed. “Man, this means I gotta go back out to the house… As if the evidence isn’t already misleading enough.”

With that, she left and headed toward the layout lab, phone in hand with Brass on speed dial.

----- ----- -----

A few hours later, she followed Brass toward a lovely ranch-style home in Henderson, dreading having to tell the family why they had to search the house a third time. They certainly resented being treated like suspects, and threatened the two with harassment, but when Brass showed them the new warrant, their rants turned into mere grumblings.

Once the worst was over and Brass had escorted the family out of the house and into the capable hands of Officer Hobbes, Sara walked through the living room she had come to know very well and toward the hallway leading to the bedrooms. But as she approached the back of the house, something odd caught her attention. It was not the smell of blood; it wasn’t the eerie silence that normally engulfed a scene or anything else she would’ have expected. As she neared the daughter’s bedroom it grew louder… It was music.

But not just any music. As she opened the bedroom door, she was stopped in her tracks as she recognized the jazzy melodies of Stacie Orrico. Why couldn’t she get away from this song? Were the gods trying to tell her something?

Deciding that she didn’t particularly care about the gods right now, she moved to the CD player and turned it off, determined to concentrate on the reason she’d come. She’d worry about the gods later.

----- ----- -----

Grissom hadn’t moved from his spot in his office since he’d heard Sara in the break room. He’d been drawn back into his memories of all their encounters throughout the years. He loved her… he knew that. The problem was voicing it, finding the right place and the right time, the right circumstances. For years, he’d tried to show her through his actions just how much he cared, and while he knew that he’d failed, he kept up hope that someday she’d understand.

But today, something told him that that someday was going to pass him by if he didn’t do something soon. She was drifting away, and one day she would fade into the background, leaving a void in her place.

He opened the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a picture he’d saved from a party a few years ago. Staring into her deep brown orbs, he made a decision right then and there. Someday would be tonight.

----- ----- -----

By the end of shift, Sara felt completely frazzled. There was something in the back of her mind that kept telling her to go to Grissom, when logic kept reminding her of all the reasons she didn’t want to. In all reality, she was exhausted, and there was nothing that she wanted more than to go home and crash. Settling on that oh-so-appealing option, she got her things out of the locker room and headed for the parking lot. Passing by Grissom’s office on the way out, she stopped in the doorframe to say goodnight as she always did and turned to leave.

Seeing her there was a sight for wore eyes after a night like tonight. But when she turned away, he saw a flash of a life without her flash before him, and he knew that this may be his only chance. Tonight, he wasn’t going to let her get away.

“Sara?” he called, relieved when she came back into his line of sight. He took a deep breath. “Can we talk?”

----- ----- -----

Chapter 4:The Truth Is…

----- ----- -----

Sara simply stood in the doorway. She didn’t know what to say. She had stopped to say good night purely out of ritual; coming into his office to talk was en entirely different situation. Why did he want to talk to her now, after a week of silence and avoidance?

He could see her hesitance and he hated himself for doing this to her. Behind her hard mask, he could see emotion flashing in her eyes. Anger, sadness, fear, and doubt all passed beneath the surface in turn, as if struggling for control. The silence seemed to last an eternity. He could tell she was fighting the magnetic pull between them, and he longed for her to give in to it.

“Sara, please,” he pleaded.

After a few more moments of struggling against the inevitable, she found herself moving into his office. She plopped herself into one of the chairs in front of his desk and prepared her heart and mind for battle.

Grissom breathed a sigh of relief as she entered his half-lit office. Reflections of light and shadow danced in the room as the overhead fluorescent lights of the hallway cast their sparkle through the many jars and bottles of his specimen. The light glistened in her brown orbs, telling him a life story of hurt and distrust. Looking deep into the eyes that had captured him for years, he lost himself and forgot why they were here… until she reminded him.

“Grissom, I’m tired… What do you want?”

Though his eyes never left hers, his focus changed and he remembered why he had called her in.

“I need to know if you’re mad at me.” Immediately, he regretted the words; he already knew the answer.

Her eyebrows nearly touched her hairline as she stared at him in shock and anger. “You need to know if I’m mad at you?” she asked incredulously. “I knew you had problems with your hearing, but I didn’t know you were going blind, too.”

Grissom stared at her apologetically. “I know that you’re mad, Sara. What I meant to say is I need to know how to fix it.”

“HOW TO FIX IT?” Now she was livid. “I’ll tell you how to fix it, Grissom. You can take that pathetic excuse at pity and friendship and shove it up your ass! I’m sick of this… this constant fluxuation of attention and ignoring me.” At this point, her voice cracked and a tear managed to escape. “You want to know what I want, Grissom? I’ll tell you what I want! I want you to take me in your arms and tell me everything is going to be okay! I want you to make me feel safe and tell me that you’re never going to lie to me again. I want to get out of bed in the morning without having to wonder whether you’ll finally come to your senses and tell me the truth!” He watched as she collapsed into herself, sobbing and using the chair for support. Her next words were a whisper: “I don’t want to hate you anymore.”

The silent sobs racked her body, and soon her body could no longer support her wait. Her arm began to slip on the arm of the chair.

He was there to catch her when she fell. He picked her up and moved to the small couch in the corner, draping her body across his lap as she turned into him and used his shoulder as a tissue. He stroked her hair in an attempt to calm her, but let her ride out the storm of her emotions.

When she had all but finished, he laid his head on hers and whispered softly, “It’s going to be okay, Sara. Everything is going to be okay. I’m not going to lie to you again.”

She moved, and looked him in the eye, not believing what she had heard. The deepest blue imaginable looked back at her from those eyes, and suddenly she was undone again. She laid her head back on his shoulder and clung to him as a child clings to its mother.

Again, he whispered to her: “I’ll never lie to you again. You deserve better… You deserve the truth.”

Pulling her back and finding her eyes, he tried to make her understand how much he cared. “The truth is… I’m stuck on you.”